peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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