i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
