doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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