I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
You can't motorboat a personality
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
