Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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