ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
