just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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