There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
