so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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