I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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