Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
