Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
