I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
