Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
