and you said cock pushups were impossible
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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