That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
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Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
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