there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize