Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
