Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
