i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
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...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize