Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i think i have two assholes
found the other keg... it's in the tree
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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