but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize