Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
being pregnant is like rehab
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
