Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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