My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
