Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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