You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
