i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She's the barista slut.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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