we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
