it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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