my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Why is your signature on my underwear?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize