I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
So squirting runs in the family.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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