at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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