I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
