Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
