Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
