i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize