Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
