your parents love me but you hate me
Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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