he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
