I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
The feeling are messing with the penis
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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