dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
