He disabled his match.com account in front of me
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
