Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
