she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize