Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
