he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
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I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
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I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
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Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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