somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
