We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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