My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Randomize
