You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
