yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
