do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
