hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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