The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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