no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
