I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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