I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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