Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
