Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
