I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
