Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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