let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
